


stubbed cigarettes

by louisaeve



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Abortion, Discussion of Abortion, F/M, Implied/Referenced Abortion, tw: abortion
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-24
Updated: 2013-08-24
Packaged: 2017-12-24 12:23:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 441
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/939972
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/louisaeve/pseuds/louisaeve
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>the au of smouldering cigarettes - they don't keep the baby</p>
            </blockquote>





	stubbed cigarettes

**Author's Note:**

> see end for triggers  
> based off my other fic - smouldering cigarettes

When James comes home, Lily is sitting on the couch, unlit cigarette in hand. She looks tired. 

Her eyes have bags under them the likes of which James hadn't seen on her since seventh year, the night before their NEWT's. Her skin is pale, and her lips are a sort of blue drawn into a frown. She's soaking. Dripping. In some summer dress, drenching the couch in her clothes. 

"Why're you wet Lil?" James frowns. 

"It was sunny," she gives a small smile, and looks at him with unfocused eyes, the type his mother looked at him with before she jumped. "It shouldn't be sunny."

"What do you mean?" James cautiously takes his cloak off his shoulders and hangs it over the back of the armchair, before sitting near Lily on the couch. 

"I sat in the shower. It rained there," she has a expressionless expression on her face. "It should rain all the time now. It shouldn't be sunny. We're in a fucking war, and the fucking world should know that."

"Lily," James states. "What happened."

"What happened?" Lily laughs hollowly, and fiddles in her drenched dress pocket for her wand, which she draws out and lights her cigarette with, before bringing it up to her mouth. "War happened. Death happened. Fucking life happened."

"Life?" James frowns, because Lily can be sad, but this is fucking depressed. 

"My parents. Yours," Lily shrugs. "Marly. Our kid."

"Our - our kid?" James is gasping now, as Lily stands up and walks into the kitchen adjoined to the living room, rummaging in the kitchen. 

"Well, the foetus," Lily shakes her head. "You'd be surprised how easy it is. A spell at Mary's. There was no trauma. It was just a reminder." 

"There's no kid," James states, and he's both relieved and heartbroken at once, as Lily grabs out a shot glass, and the vodka Sirius gave them for their wedding (which he'd admittedly lifted from his parents and sampled himself, only to find he preferred rum.

"There's no kid," Lily shook her head, and downed her shot, her eyes tearing up. "How were we ever supposed to keep a kid?"

And James knows it's true. They're living only for the Order now, and for the little moments late at night. They can't afford to live for anyone else. They can't afford to live. They've lost everyone, and having a kid is only tempting fate. 

So his eyes tear up, and he sits next to Lily and grabs the bottle, drinking straight from it like they did when they were kids. 

Maybe back then he would of wanted a kid. Now he wanted a life. 

**Author's Note:**

> triggers: abortion, implied/ referenced, loosely mentioned
> 
> so i hope you like - as always, do review


End file.
